It’s a Cycle

For Nick

My life has become a cycle
It started after I moved
The first couple years,
They were easy, just fine
It was when I grew up
That the pain settled
It starts with a dream,
One of us meeting again,
One of us laughing again
And when I wake, it hurts
I come to the realization
That it’ll never happen
Not now, it’s been too long
Then, for a week, I mope
I get depressed, wishing
That I could talk to him
Just once more, a conversation
But I try to call, email, visit
But something goes wrong
He’s not home to pick up the phone
He changed email addresses
He moved and I don’t know where to
I wonder if he knows how much it hurts
How much I just want to see him again
I miss the brother of my childhood
And after this whole pain goes away
About a week after the dream
I’m fine, but just for a few months
I have another dream, and it gets worse

May 25, 2010