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Tag: personal

Why Aren’t You Here

For Grammy

You were always full of life and so enthusiastic about everything
You saw the best in everyone and turned anything bad into good
Anything you did, you poured your heart into until it was your absolute best
Anyone who knew you loved you and you cared about everyone
You would give the shirt off your back if it would save someone’s life
Every second spent with you was filled with warmth and fun and awe
You meant everything to me and I let too much time just go by
I took advantage of the fact that you were always there, anytime, anywhere
Once in a while I have to remind myself that you’re actually gone
I never thought that day would come, and I was so unprepared
Writing in the past tense seems impossible even years later

February 5, 2019

You Are Who You Are

For Stephanie

You lied to my face–twice
How was I supposed to react?
You repeated bad habits
After I vouched for you
How am I supposed to feel?
We can’t be friends like this
But you are who you are to me
How could I let that go?

January 13, 2019

Oh, the Bean

For Stephanie

Desire to capture essence while escaping cliché
Not of blood or kin or time or proximity
Yet unknowing of the heart possessed
Experienced and damaged and pure and innocent
Wild and imaginative and thoughtful and deep
Scared and wistful and protected and guarded
There, an enigma surrounded by pain and anger
Here, a landing surrounded by safety and comfort
Delving deeper into potential danger and darkness
Yet providing that which wants to be more
Wishing to shelter from all that harms
Longing to heal all that is broken

October 21, 2017

Influences

Who do I have to thank for being the way that I am?
Do I look to you and your inability to love?
You were the first to make me feel not good enough
Others tell stories of how you stepped up for them
When she found out about me, you were there for her
You might have even been there more than her mother
But when it came to me, you were painfully elusive
Your counterpart showed me what you should have been
I blamed myself for lacking with you what I had with her
I blamed myself because everyone else had that with you
With age comes wisdom, but time has healed little

Or do I look to him and his involuntary absence?
Adolescence created such a rift between us
Sometimes one that felt beyond irreparable
During that time, I felt completely alone
Couple that with the fact that he was gone too often
Was I deprived of some necessary nurturing
Which has lead to a void I am desperate to fill?

June 16, 2017

Don’t Do It

A mention of the word stops my heart
Lemme tell you about this little part
In my worthless life, that you play
You’re my best friend, in every way
In this damn world, I need you here
Without you, I’d be nothing, I fear
We might have lost connection for a bit
But I think we’re stronger ’cause of it
We can handle anything and everything
Whatever we choose and what it may bring
But at the mention of that damn word…
Damn it, my friend, I will be heard!
You’re worth a lot more than you know
Open your eyes, and this I will show
I love you, need you, want you as a sis
If you go, both of us the world will miss

April 29, 2011

As You

For Sandra

College is scary
Full of unknown
Knowing no one
Somehow, we met
Something clicked
Yes, a friendship
One everlasting
Thankful, I am
To have a friend
As colorful
As supportive
As loveable
As you

March 31, 2011

Never Forget, You

For my friends

People come, people go
We all change, in some way
But something that won’t
Is my love for all you

The ones from middle school
That was pure hell and pain
You… took me into your group
Gave me needed acceptance

The ones from high school
That wasn’t any better
You… made the bus one of
My absolute favorite places
You… made one boring class
The absolute best four years
You… were there for me when
The world turned its back

The ones from college
This is the best time
You… gave me life, hope
Confidence I never had

Three different times of my life,
Groups of friends, places in my heart
Each place just as important to me
No matter who I meet and befriend
Each of you have your own place
Only for you, never to be replaced
Never forget this… I sure won’t

March 31, 2011

My Friends

For them

My friends…
Silly, stupid, sexy, simple
Crazy, creative, charming, cute
Magical, memorable, mischievous, manic
Cool, caring, childish, comical
Special, super, sarcastic, sincere
Kind, kinky, keen, kooky
And I love them all

March 31, 2011

Our Group

For them

It started as mocking my name: Shovel
We had to add a spork, naturally
And, of course, a rake
But we don’t stop there!
Next, the fork, then spoon, then knife
Are we done? Not even close.
What’s a shovel without a pail?
And we need a spade, we do
And last, but not least, the straw
It started as mocking
It turned into our group

March 31, 2011

How I Really Feel

For Mom and Dad

I was born to both of you
And I absolutely hate it
I wish you could choose
But sadly, impossible
Suffering my whole life
Because you’re stupid
You don’t know a thing
This is not your forte
You piss me off too much
It seems very intentional
Please… Just go away

That’s what I feel outside

I was born to both of you
And I absolutely love it
I wouldn’t change a thing
Even if I had the option
You’re amazing people
Hilarious, adorable
You’re the ones I want
When times get too bad
Please… Never leave me

That’s how I really feel

April 1, 2011