writing, photos, personality
It’s like banging your head against a wall
You go through and plant flowers
Because your manager told you to
Arrange them nicely, water them
Everything you’re supposed to do
Then the next person goes through
And digs them up, rearranges them
Or finds a way to unwater them
Something you didn’t think possible
As you try to fix what was undone
You get pulled to do something else
Then your managers screams at you
Because the seeds won’t grow
October 22, 2021
For Jordan and Jessi
Blood might connect us
But friendship bonds us
I have never had
A friendship quite like ours
I cherish what we have
And pray it never fades
October 20, 2021
Daily struggles
Feel so hard
Simple tasks
Feel impossible
The air around
Feels so heavy
Real life
Feels unworthy
October 20, 2021
Don’t get stuck inside
Some parties will destroy you
Fight hard to escape
February 8, 2021
For Jessi
Work really does suck
But having you there does help
You make life better
February 8, 2021
Weed, booze, sleeping pills
Shift out of this life, this self
Just to not feel sad
February 8, 2021
Loneliness, burrowed
The light, so far; pain so close
Never to see day
February 8, 2021
Wake up at nine, can’t keep eyes open
Go back to sleep until eleven
Start nodding off playing Sims
Fall asleep on the couch until noon-thirty
Feel like the day is wasted, so take another nap
Wake up at two, have zero energy to do anything
Stare at the computer screen
Nothing to do but sleep
Septmeber 11, 2021
The marijuana at night puts me to sleep
And the coffee wakes me the next morning
The Benedryl at work is to calm me
And the Monster to wash it down keeps me awake
I do anything not to feel while staying conscious
Feelings weigh me down when all I want is to float
September 10, 2021
I
Start at a dead-end
But force a path through
A path that should already exist
Severe accident, never the same
Daily accidents as a result
But continue on, pretending
That all is fine, all is normal
II
Your path is lonely, alienating
People know you’re there
They can smell you a mile away
Some are mean and tell you
The rest keep their distance
III
Create a bypass
To avoid the unsafe path
But neglect maintenance
Become an unsightly cancer
But continue on, pretending
IV
If you can’t rely on yourself
You rely on no one, nothing
Everything crumbles
You’re questioning everything
Pushing everyone away
V
Remove the bypass
Resume on the flawed path
Which remains unchanged
Nothing is said about that
But continue on, pretending
VI
You can’t love someone else
If you don’t love yourself
You can’t trust someone else
If you don’t trust yourself
You can’t live with someone else
If you can’t live with yourself
VII
Years of travel smoothed the flawed path
By some miracle of life
Still some accidents, still too many
But continue on, pretending
That all is fine, all is normal
August 25, 2021