Why Aren’t You Here

For Grammy

You were always full of life and so enthusiastic about everything
You saw the best in everyone and turned anything bad into good
Anything you did, you poured your heart into until it was your absolute best
Anyone who knew you loved you and you cared about everyone
You would give the shirt off your back if it would save someone’s life
Every second spent with you was filled with warmth and fun and awe
You meant everything to me and I let too much time just go by
I took advantage of the fact that you were always there, anytime, anywhere
Once in a while I have to remind myself that you’re actually gone
I never thought that day would come, and I was so unprepared
Writing in the past tense seems impossible even years later

February 5, 2019

Inspiration

I guess if losing a romantic interest could ever be a good thing, it would be because it can spark inspiration. Thanks to a recent fling, I conjured up two sort of sequels to a microfiction piece I wrote a little over a year ago (Space Travel). They don’t have to make sense to anyone, I just need them out there in the universe. It’s part of how I’m privately public. You can have both sides of the coin at the same time.

I also have a new poem that I wrote for a person I can’t stand but will always love.

Space Travel: Natural Disasters

I almost looked past the planet with crimson lands and lavender oceans until it sent me a transmission. I entered its orbit to simply communicate, as red planets have no docking stations for my style of ship. When I got close, its gravity pulled me into its atmosphere, and I discovered crystal blue lakes and emerald green forests hidden by a red sky. The seemingly social inhabitants hid from view while beckoning me to land. Before I could find a docking station, the solid ground began to crack. The inhabitants were hostile and ready to attack as if I caused the quake. Without a second thought, I broke through the red atmosphere and continued on my original path through the universe. As I watched the planet through my rear window until it was no longer visible, I wondered if the inhabitants knew I didn’t cause the quake.

January 2019

Space Travel: Rescue

The breathtaking eastern planet was easier to land on than expected. The quiet environment felt like a salvation after having landed on the sun. I quickly learned the planet was haunted. I attempted to help whatever lingered find peace, but the planet lacked nutrients and I starved. I lashed out at the demons as if they deceived me, which further angered them. The lifeless planet somehow became less inhabitable, and I began to freeze. Defeated, I crawled back to my craft, and sent an SOS to a fellow traveller. I was rescued before I could become another ghost to haunt the planet.

The two of us travelled in my already-small ship after we pooled our resources. We found a drifting space station that welcomed us, and my new companion jumped ship. I fully restocked my reserves and set out yet again in search of a new planet to call home.

January 2019

Weird Addiction: Dice!

Why do I have such an addictive personality? Recent example of this lovely trait of mine:

Within the past year and a half, I started playing Dungeons & Dragons with some coworkers. It started online with Roll20.net (which is a beautiful website), with everything being digital (thus no need for physical dice). But around March of this year, we decided to start an in-person game, which meant I needed dice. For a while, I borrowed dice from either Megan or Nate, sometimes Scoot. But then in May, I bought my first set of dice, and I was hooked. The set contained five individual sets, but I kept scrolling through Amazon, building a wishlist of dice sets that I felt I needed to have. Almost a month ago, I ordered eight more sets of dice, three of which were a set of their own. A week ago, I ordered another set which included twenty sets, leaving me with thirty-three individual sets of dice. I’ve also backed a project on Kickstarter, Iconic Mythical Collection, which will give me two more sets of dice whenever they ship (hopefully before the estimated February 2019). And tomorrow, when my paycheck is deposited, I plan on ordering another set that has twenty more sets.

Why am I like this? I find something cool that I like and I go overboard. I guess it could be worse. I could be collecting blades and knives to hurt myself or others with. So, I guess I shouldn’t be too worried. Plus, all my bills are still getting paid (that is and always will be my first priority) and I still have food to eat, so I guess I’m okay.

Again I Didn’t Need It; I Wanted Another

Yet again, I purchased something that I didn’t really need. I spent my tax refund partially on a Chromebook. And Asus Chromebook Flip C101PA-DB02. Why do I keep buying useless things I don’t need? How many computers do I really need? Well, I have the pink one that’s really old. I have the red one that replaced it. Then there was the forty-five dollar one on clearance that I got a couple summers ago, and then the silver laptop I got last year with my tax refund. And I have a tablet that my dad got with his phone that I pretend to turn on occasionally. And now I have this Chromebook. Yes, I have too many electronics and I get a lot of shit for it but I enjoy new devices and I work hard for it.

SiteGround!

I have finally migrated my website to a new host: SiteGround. I’m pleased so far. As far as I can tell, it’s significantly better than GoDaddy. My domain is still registered through GoDaddy, but I’ve had no problems with that. Only their hosting.

So, this blog that you’re viewing is no longer located at lizzylee.net/blog, it’s just the default homepage in the root folder. Whoop!

Oh, the Bean

For Stephanie

Desire to capture essence while escaping cliché
Not of blood or kin or time or proximity
Yet unknowing of the heart possessed
Experienced and damaged and pure and innocent
Wild and imaginative and thoughtful and deep
Scared and wistful and protected and guarded
There, an enigma surrounded by pain and anger
Here, a landing surrounded by safety and comfort
Delving deeper into potential danger and darkness
Yet providing that which wants to be more
Wishing to shelter from all that harms
Longing to heal all that is broken

October 21, 2017