Who do I have to thank for being the way that I am?
Do I look to you and your inability to love?
You were the first to make me feel not good enough
Others tell stories of how you stepped up for them
When she found out about me, you were there for her
You might have even been there more than her mother
But when it came to me, you were painfully elusive
Your counterpart showed me what you should have been
I blamed myself for lacking with you what I had with her
I blamed myself because everyone else had that with you
With age comes wisdom, but time has healed little

Or do I look to him and his involuntary absence?
Adolescence created such a rift between us
Sometimes one that felt beyond irreparable
During that time, I felt completely alone
Couple that with the fact that he was gone too often
Was I deprived of some necessary nurturing
Which has lead to a void I am desperate to fill?

June 16, 2017