Don’t Want to Lose Any More

For Nick and my friends

As a child, I had a best friend, we were inseparable
I loved him with all my heart, but only as a brother
We grew up together since kindergarten
We played games, rode bikes, played ball, swam, shared secrets
We were always there for each other, helped in times of need
We argued, fought, ignored, walked away angry, but always made up
How could a friendship this strong have disappeared overnight?
I swore to myself, as a child, that I’d never lose him
I’d call him every day, I’d visit him every possible time
I’d always be his very best friend, and he’d be mine
It was a promise, something I thought I’d live by
Something that held back both of our tears when we swore it
But when I moved, things changed; I broke my promise; I lost him

As a senior in high school, I have my best friends
I love them from the bottom of my heart, as my sisters
I need them, they’re there for me, they need me, I’m there for them
We share our worlds with each other, we pour our hearts into each other
We laugh at, laugh with, pick on, and love each other
We argue, we fight, we ignore, we gossip, we hate, but in the end, we make up
They’re my world, and I’m part of their worlds, I’ll never forget them
I’m making a promise, as a graduating senior, that I’ll never lose them
I’ll call them every week, IM them every day, text them every hour
I’ll visit on Homecoming, every holiday, every birthday, every vacation
I’ll never lose them, I’ll never forget them, and they’ll be my friends forever
I’m making this promise, I swear by it, and I’ll live by it… or so I hope

As a child, I tried making this promise once, I tried to live by this
But obviously, as my heart tells me every moment, I lied to both of us
I’ve lost him, lost every strand of friendship I wove into us
I broke that part of my heart, I’ve destroyed the connection I had with childhood
What I’ve done to him, I’ll never know
What I’ll do to my friends now, I’ll never know
I’ll lose them, I’ll never forget them, but I’ll never know them again like I do now
I’ll destroy any connection to this part of my life, I’ll break this part of my heart
I don’t want to believe this’ll happen, but how can I make this promise
When already, once, I broke it?
I’m doomed as a ‘Best Friend Forever’
It’s just not something my mind can handle, apparently
And for this, I am sorry to all I may hurt in the process

December 30, 2009