What a Difference

I turned my back from this place
So many years ago, left not a trace
I just upped and left, never to return
I couldn’t deal with the never-ending race
There would be no winner in that game
No one wanted love, trust, only fame
I wanted more in life than just that
I knew when I left, I’d never be the same
When I left, my people were still there
I loved them, but not once did they care
They didn’t realize what they were doing
I couldn’t live like that, I just couldn’t bare
Ten years later, I’ve come to check in
Wondering what has become of my kin
I thought they’d still be fighting
Didn’t think someone would win
But it seems I was wrong, and I couldn’t believe
Exactly what’s become of this place since my leave
No one’s survived, none of my people
Nothing’s come out of it, nothing achieved
I walk all around, purely depressed
I see all the places that once gave me stress
I came from this place, yet I’m so different
From all the people that created this mess

October 19, 2010

Life Without You

I don’t really know you all that well
But there’s something about you
Something I can’t get off my mind
I really like you, maybe even more
And I know you like me, you told me
You don’t want a relationship, though
You’ve only got six more months here
But that’s enough time in my eyes
To see if it’s worth the try forever
Or if this is just a little crush magnified
You broke my heart when you said no
I have never cried over a guy before
Let me tell you, it’s not fun at all
But you’re still on my mind, always
I don’t know what will happen to us
But I’d really like to try an “us”
Because I can’t imagine life without you

November 26, 2010

The Something

I love him, with every bit of my heart
He says that he likes me a lot, but how much?
He doesn’t want a relationship, not for six months
He’s graduating in the spring, so he sees no point
But I, on the other hand, see plenty of reasons why
Why we should try, to see if it’s just a crush
Or if this could be something more
The something I feel swelling in my heart

November 28, 2010

He Is

He was really sweet before
He was a cute little drummer
He was not the person I thought
He was hiding his darkness inside
He was what I wanted in a guy
He is not that guy any more

December 3, 2010

Confused

I didn’t think I liked him
Then I thought I did
Then we were just friends
Then we almost were more
I didn’t think I liked him at all
Now I don’t want to be without him
We’re friends again now, and I’m happy
But do I want more? Or am I still confused?

February 3, 2011

I Thought… Wrong (Part I)

I thought I hated him
I thought I had fucked it all up
I thought he’d never forgive me
I thought we’d never be friends
I thought it wouldn’t be possible
I thought he’d ignore my messages
I thought he’d be madder than I was
I thought I’d mean nothing to him
I thought wrong

February 3, 2011

I Thought… Right (Part II)

I thought we could be friends
I thought we’d be able to move past my mistake
I thought I’d still mean something, anything
I thought we could possibly be more
I thought I was wrong before
I thought the pain could be over
I thought right before, I fucked it up

February 6, 2011

Losing Control

Is it wrong to want bad things?
I want him in my life
But he doesn’t want me
Does he still want FWB?
Is it wrong of me to ask?
Asking would mean no self-respect
But I’d chose him over respect
I want him in my life
So if he wants FWB
Then I guess that’s the only way
Is that wrong? Sick? Twisted?
I know I’m fucked up, real bad
But when it comes to him…
I can’t help myself, I lose control

February 6, 2011

I Miss You

I am sorry for what I’ve done
I know the words don’t take back
All the times I’ve bitched you out
But you, I miss, and that’s a fact
I was hurt, and you, confusing
You pulled me closer, but only for
All the comfort I actually needed
But at my heart your actions tore
You were the one that put the knife
Near my heart, ready for pain
He was the one that pushed it in
Only for… His sick gain
To try and make everything better
You tried to be there as a friend
But it didn’t seem that way to me
And, thus, my heart, you didn’t mend
I admit, I fucked it up
But I was hurt, and now I see
How much I like you, as a friend
But time has told so much to me
And I’m convinced I like you more
So now, with you, I long to be

February 7, 2011