Life Long Ago

For my friends

Many years ago, life was so great.
I had only a few friends,
But we were so happy.
People changed, others moved,
Once the changes were finished,
I had completely changed my group,
Not once, but twice –
Not counting the time I moved states.
How I miss those great times, long ago.

Many years ago, life was so great.
Elementary school, middle school,
It was so easy, simple, fun.
Now, as we grow, the work gets harder,
And stress levels rise.
Changing from school to school,
From elementary, to middle, to high,
It all is hard to adjust, but we do.
Oh, how I really miss the times long ago.

Many years ago, life was so great.
Before good friends changed, moved, left,
Things were going great.
Although I’m older, and stress has increased,
And life has gotten harder, and the temptations
Can seem too great, I have to be honest –
I am not upset with how my life is.
I love who I’m near, my friends mean
More to me than all the hard times.
Though some things I would like to change,
I never would, for those bad times made me
Into the person I am today,
And I have to say,
I’m quite okay with that.



For Rin

What happened to you?
You weren’t always this way.
You used to be a great friend.
You changed.

Something changed in your mind.
Do you even realize this?
The evils of the Internet,
Changed you.

We all noticed the difference.
All the great friends you once had, left.
Gone when you downloaded a different life,
Changing you.

We tried to stop the transformation,
From thoughtful to mindless.
You hated us for caring about,
You changing.

What happened to you?
We all miss what you were.
We hate what you’ve become.
Could we delete the terminal virus,
And reinstall the old you?


Highlight of the Season

For Pop-Pop

Christmas Eve was never the highlight of the season
   Food no one wanted to touch
   Trash no one wanted to associate with
   Smells no one wanted to question
But this year without it
It doesn’t feel like
   Christmas Eve
I may not want that other stuff
But I would gladly sit through it
Just to see you again
I never realized it, but seeing you on
Christmas Eve was always the highlight of the season

December 25, 2013

I Am

I am…
 a friend,
 a cousin,
 a cat-owner,
 a shovel,
 a blonde,
 a granddaughter,
 a student,
 a spazz,
 a writer,
 a daughter,
 an anime-lover,
 a third musketeer,
 a reader,
 a niece.
I want to be…
 an illegal alien immigrant from Venus,
 a moon rock,
 a bug,
 an actual shovel,
 a vampire,
 and everything else above.
I am me.
I want to be me.


An Alien with AIDS

I don’t understand why I’m treated this way
Like a diseased alien, or someone with AIDS
I’m just as normal as anyone else in this world
I have a heart, I have feelings, I have thoughts
I know what people mean when they do and say things
What I don’t understand is why
Why they would judge me and treat me like an outcast
Like I’m a freaking alien with AIDS or something
Or why they treat me like I don’t have feelings
Because when people do things, it does hurt
Though no one really stops and thinks about how
They’ve all shattered my self-confidence
Of course I realize I over-generalize
Of course I know not every person is this way
There are those out there that have never judged me
Who have treated me like a human like everyone else
Who have given me a chance to be their best friend
But after being rejected as a human so many times
It’s hard not to just assume and expect the worse


Don’t Want to Lose Any More

For Nick and my friends

As a child, I had a best friend, we were inseparable
I loved him with all my heart, but only as a brother
We grew up together since kindergarten
We played games, rode bikes, played ball, swam, shared secrets
We were always there for each other, helped in times of need
We argued, fought, ignored, walked away angry, but always made up
How could a friendship this strong have disappeared overnight?
I swore to myself, as a child, that I’d never lose him
I’d call him every day, I’d visit him every possible time
I’d always be his very best friend, and he’d be mine
It was a promise, something I thought I’d live by
Something that held back both of our tears when we swore it
But when I moved, things changed; I broke my promise; I lost him

As a senior in high school, I have my best friends
I love them from the bottom of my heart, as my sisters
I need them, they’re there for me, they need me, I’m there for them
We share our worlds with each other, we pour our hearts into each other
We laugh at, laugh with, pick on, and love each other
We argue, we fight, we ignore, we gossip, we hate, but in the end, we make up
They’re my world, and I’m part of their worlds, I’ll never forget them
I’m making a promise, as a graduating senior, that I’ll never lose them
I’ll call them every week, IM them every day, text them every hour
I’ll visit on Homecoming, every holiday, every birthday, every vacation
I’ll never lose them, I’ll never forget them, and they’ll be my friends forever
I’m making this promise, I swear by it, and I’ll live by it… or so I hope

As a child, I tried making this promise once, I tried to live by this
But obviously, as my heart tells me every moment, I lied to both of us
I’ve lost him, lost every strand of friendship I wove into us
I broke that part of my heart, I’ve destroyed the connection I had with childhood
What I’ve done to him, I’ll never know
What I’ll do to my friends now, I’ll never know
I’ll lose them, I’ll never forget them, but I’ll never know them again like I do now
I’ll destroy any connection to this part of my life, I’ll break this part of my heart
I don’t want to believe this’ll happen, but how can I make this promise
When already, once, I broke it?
I’m doomed as a ‘Best Friend Forever’
It’s just not something my mind can handle, apparently
And for this, I am sorry to all I may hurt in the process

December 30, 2009

It’s a Cycle

For Nick

My life has become a cycle
It started after I moved
The first couple years,
They were easy, just fine
It was when I grew up
That the pain settled
It starts with a dream,
One of us meeting again,
One of us laughing again
And when I wake, it hurts
I come to the realization
That it’ll never happen
Not now, it’s been too long
Then, for a week, I mope
I get depressed, wishing
That I could talk to him
Just once more, a conversation
But I try to call, email, visit
But something goes wrong
He’s not home to pick up the phone
He changed email addresses
He moved and I don’t know where to
I wonder if he knows how much it hurts
How much I just want to see him again
I miss the brother of my childhood
And after this whole pain goes away
About a week after the dream
I’m fine, but just for a few months
I have another dream, and it gets worse

May 25, 2010