I Want to But I Don’t

I want to scream until tears pour from my blood-shot eyes
But I don’t want to open my mouth
I want to tug at my hair until my skin rips from my scalp
But I don’t want to move a muscle
I want to take a knife to every living human I’ve met
But I don’t want to hurt anyone
I want to dive off a cliff and never come up for air
But I don’t want to die

I can feel these emotions surging through my viens
But I feel nothing
I feel like it’s clawing to escape a meta-physical prison
But I feel completely at ease
I feel like I’m a ticking time bomb
But I feel like I have control

March 31, 2014

Lost

A path, covered with mystery
Rumors of happiness, passion
Take small steps in, explore
Learn things, chart a map
Begin to get a hold of it all
Traversing the unknown
Becomes simpler than expected
The path through is stunning
Beautiful, exhilarating, exciting
You didn’t expect it would be
This great and fulfilling, but
Still searching for the center
Roaming around it, but trying
Trying to get in, but something
Something seems off, wrong
Check your map a few times
But it appears to be cluttered
False, covered with tears
Realize, you’ve been charting
The wrong thing the entire time
In the mess, lost forever
No hope of escape, no hope
Of that rumored center, filled
With happiness and passion

March 30, 2011

Because

Because not everything we want
Is ever what we need
Because not everything we need
Is exactly what we want
Because fate and life is uncertain
It’s easy to get lost
Because only death is permanent
It’s hard to be safe

April 4, 2011

You’re Not the Favorite

Yes, hun, you’ve told me
Couldn’t make yourself clearer
You call me worthless
Have you looked in the mirror?
You call me useless
Pot, the kettle’s on line two
You call me the bad child
No one can compare to you
You think you’re the good one
Mom doesn’t love you any more
You think you’re the favorite
You mean nothing to the whore

July 26, 2011

Sleep

Sleep, sleep
Can I get any more?
Sleep, sleep
I feel like a bore
Sleep, sleep
Hope I don’t snore
Sleep, sleep
My mind feels sore
Sleep, sleep
Don’t hit the floor
Sleep, sleep
Can I keep score?
Sleep, sleep
I’m like your whore

July 30, 2011

A Realization

A roller coaster of emotions
Tearing through my mind
Never really knew
That you mean the world to me
I’d do anything to keep you
I know I mean so much to you
But I don’t think you realize
Just how much you mean to me
In almost losing you, it clicked
You do so much for me
And yet I won’t do things for you
So now, there’s not a thing
That I wouldn’t do for you
I’ll make more time, break more rules
I will prove that I love you
And I’m sorry for your pain

September 28, 2012

Them Two

No more energy
To deal with anything
No sleep, no rest
Emotional, physical
Too much going on
Dig deeper, if only
Is an answer buried?
Maybe rest, solitude
Dig for blood, answers
Don’t stop now,
So very close!
Is he a solution?
The problem? A savior?
Way too involved
Is she important?
Does she mean
Anything at all to me?

October 4, 2012

Do I Dare?

How much deeper do I need to dig
Or, to relax, should I take a swig
Am I looking for a single answer
Or is this thing just like a cancer
With no solution to be found
Waiting to hit the cold, hard ground
How much longer do I have to wait
If it happens, will it be too late
How much do I value my own life
Enough not to end it with a knife
So many questions pass through my head
Maybe it would help if I were dead
Afraid to know, afraid to care
Make an answer! Do I dare?

October 4, 2012