I am sorry for what I’ve done
I know the words don’t take back
All the times I’ve bitched you out
But you, I miss, and that’s a fact
I was hurt, and you, confusing
You pulled me closer, but only for
All the comfort I actually needed
But at my heart your actions tore
You were the one that put the knife
Near my heart, ready for pain
He was the one that pushed it in
Only for… His sick gain
To try and make everything better
You tried to be there as a friend
But it didn’t seem that way to me
And, thus, my heart, you didn’t mend
I admit, I fucked it up
But I was hurt, and now I see
How much I like you, as a friend
But time has told so much to me
And I’m convinced I like you more
So now, with you, I long to be
February 7, 2011
I have a coworker, who works at the customer service desk, who insists she is better than everyone else. “I’m too smart to work here,” she continuously says. If she is, then why does she work there at Mall-Mart? She also goes on and on about how stupid all the managers and other associates are. Well, if she thinks she’s too smart for the job, then she must think they’re the appropriate level of intelligence for the job; so why is she complaining? Clearly she’s not too intelligent or she’d be somewhere else. She also complains that the place is making her sick, and her medical bills cost her more than she earns by working there. More reason to quit. And the thing that irritates me most about her incessant ranting is that she believes she’s smarter than me. Sure, there are dumb people there at Mall-Mart, but I am not stupid. I just don’t know what I’m doing with my life yet (and I also have a relatively useless arts degree) so I am there, earning money at a job I actually don’t hate until I figure shit out. Does that make me stupid?
I purchased a netbook today for a ridiculously great price at my place of employment. Like, the kind of price where you’d think about it for the rest of your life if you didn’t capitalize on it. I might not have needed the dumb little thing, but I couldn’t pass up the offer. If it turns out I don’t like the dumb thing, I can sell it on Facebook for much higher than I bought it. Like, I could turn a profit on this thing! But I think I’ll just keep it. I kinda like it. I love playing with new electronics. As an Electronics Associate, I am definitely in the right place. If I were in any other department, I’d probably hate my job. And if I had shitty co-workers. But I have great co-workers and I love technology, so I love my job.
This new Pokémon Go app feels like a glorified sticker-collecting game. Like, it’s not a real Pokémon game. You don’t pick a starter, go out in the wild and battle other Pokémon to train your own, you don’t have to weaken wild Pokémon in order to catch it, you (at the moment) can’t battle against or trade with other trainers. So, I was really against it when it came out. Also, from what I can tell, there are no stones for use in evolving Pokémon like Nidorino or Eevee. (Which begs the question: how does one get a Vaporeon, for example?) To evolve a Pokémon, you need to catch multiple duplicates and transfer them back to the Professor in order to receive Pokémon-specific candies. What happened to training and gaining experience points?? The gym set-up is so weird. That’s not how gyms really are. And finally, there are no PokéMarts or PokéCenters. Only PokéStops, which are stupid. The concept of the game is great, but I feel like it just isn’t genuine enough. Also, it requires constant data and GPS connections, which is not cool for people like myself who don’t have unlimited data, and it (along with the app needing to be constantly open) drains the battery. So, why has it caught on so well? Why are there accidents being caused by this stupid thing? And, why do I find myself wanting to just wander around Oneonta in attempts to catch them all? I get that it’s Pokémon, and it’s the closest I’ll ever get to being an actual Pokémon trainer. Regardless, the entire system just really irks me. It feels like a cheap knock-off and I feel like a sell-out by playing it.
Pet peeve: when people talk about their favorite teams, why do they include themselves? For example, my friend was talking about the Cincinnati Bengals and was like, “This was the game that we had won and the refs ruined it for us by ignoring a Pittsburgh penalty.” (I wasn’t in the loop last season so I have no idea what she is talking about. My grandma and my own health were more important last winter.) But like, is she on the team now? No, she’s not. So why the fuck is she including herself by saying we?? That shit bothers the fuck out of me.
I want to know why people shopping in a store are allowed to be so downright rude and obnoxious to employees. If I had stood up for myself today, I would have gotten in trouble, because the customer is always right. Well, not when the customer is trying to do things that isn’t allowed by the rules and regulations and procedures of cellular network companies.
But the customer is allowed to be a rude person while I get to go home, internalize this, and drink away the anger and tears. Like, lady, it’s not my fault that you and your husband are going through a separation. Based on how you treated me today, I’m not surprised. Good for him.
I have to say. Today was probably my worst day at the job. The first day where I almost snapped at a customer and willingly accepted termination. I don’t know if I should be proud or sad that it took three months to get to this point.
This has been bothering me for some time now–not as much now as a few months ago, but it still applies: I’m ashamed to tell people that I work at specific department store chain–I’ll call it Mall-Mart on here.
It’s stupid. I love my job and am good at it. Most of the people I help are super nice and tell me that I’m super polite and really helpful. I work in the electronics department and I actually know what I’m talking about (most of the time), or I make it sound good. For the most part, I like and get along with my coworkers. (Aside from one who gets under my skin in ways few people can.) I can put in my hours and go home and enjoy my time without any kind of homework or stress about if I did this right or if I need to do that tomorrow or if my boss will come in too hungover and not like the way I smile at him and decide to fire me or, worse, scream at me in front of everyone. I don’t have to worry about my boss saying some uncomfortable comment (about blondes and convertibles, for example). The worst I have to worry about is an asshole customer, which don’t even bother me that much anymore. I don’t have to make sure I’m in a creative mood or ready to organize an office. I can just go in and stock shelves and help people and zone departments–perfect for someone like me who is in a weird point in their life where basic functions are about all that can be expected of them.
But there’s this stigma about working at Mall-Mart, and I hate it. When I told one of my aunts that I applied, she was like, “Oh, great, another Mall-Mart employee to stand around and talk about their weekend while pointing in a vague direction to direct me to something I can’t find. Get out while you can. You’re too smart for that place. You’re wasting your brain.” A lot of people were also like, “I’m sorry,” or, “Oh, that sucks!” Why? How does having a job that I’m good at suck? How does getting a paycheck suck? How does supporting myself so I don’t have to live in my parents’ basement suck? How does going to the movies and buying nice things suck?
So if I’m so happy where I am, why do I feel ashamed to tell people where I work? If I think it’s stupid that people look down at Mall-Mart as an employer, why do I mutter the answer to the question, “Where do you work?” or avoid the question entirely? Why do I feel compelled to add, “Surprisingly enough, I actually love it,” after telling someone I work there?
I hate it.
I know I’m a nerd. But I love Legos and hey, why not take photos of the dumb little things I make and share them with the world? Yes, I know that half of these are things anyone capable of following directions can make. I don’t care!
This blog will eventually take over the homepage of the website, but for now, it’s hosted under
http://lizzylee.net. Over the next few weeks, you might notice a lot of changes, as well as a few theme changes here and there. You’ll know the website is semi-permanent when
http://lizzylee.net no longer works. If that’s the case, try going to
http://lizzylee.net and seeing if that works!
I still haven’t decided if I’m going to use this website as a blog, like a personal web journal, or just for photos, stories, poems, and random stuff like that… Decisions, decisions.
New photos! Because I love my kitties so much. I’m also going to go through and add all previous photos to the blog, but I wanted these to be front page because they’re new. To the web, anyway.